Cloud's Secret Life
by Destiny's Eternal Sands
Summary: Cloud leaves without a word all the time. Tifa finds his phone. see you at 7 sharp! Could Cloud Lead a double life? Chapter 2 up! Review! Last Chapter? Find out!
1. Chapter 1

Cloud's Secret Life

Me: Okay this is probably as disturbing if not more disturbing than my Cloud the Molester ficcy. I made it up after watching an Ichigo Gay Bar vid. on If you don't know the lyrics, it's posted on my profile! Please REVIEW or die!!!! (at a gay bar!!) lol.

Prologue: It had been 5 months since the destruction of Sephiroth, Cloud's final battle. Midgar was returning to normal. Midgar had become a popular tourist spot after Sephiroth's fall. Many resturants, stores, and clubs had opened there. Life was returning to normal, or so it seemed.

Tifa went to check the mail. Bills of course. She ripped open Cloud's cell phone bill. $200?!! How was this possible? She thought. "CLOUD!!!" Tifa called walking toward his room. "How the hell did you get a $200 cell phone bill! I can't believe-" Tifa opened the door, "You're not here."

Denzel and Marlene were laughing in another room. Tifa walks in. "Have you guys seen Cloud today?"

Marlene shoots a nerf dart at Tifa, "I'm a girl!" Growling Tifa plucks it off her forehead. "Cloud said he had something personal to do." Denzel says. Tifa just throws up her hands and walks up.

She walks in Cloud's room again. She looks around and doesn't see a note. "I swear that Cloud is going to be the death of me!" She sees his phone on his nightstand.

She walks over to his phone. It starts vibrating. She picked it up. 1 New Text Message!

Serves him right, Tifa thought, she hit READ. "See you tonite! 7 sharp"

She goes though his other text messages. They all say see you later or miss you.

Tifa decides to investigate.


	2. Chapter 2

Me: Okay i know in the 1st chapter i said it was disturbing and stuff. But in the first chapter it wasn't. But this chapter it will be. More disturbing than ever. Times 1 duodecillion. (don't worry i don't know how much it is either, heard it from my science teacher and it sounded cool) Any wayz this is the end of my ficcy. unless i get really good reviews.

Around 5 Cloud came back. Tifa had just finished making supper (or dinner or what ever you wanna call it). "Oh that's such like a guy," Tifa said trying to strike up a conversation, "Coming home at the exact time supper (or dinner) is done so you don't have to help."

Cloud looked at her. and looked. and looked.

"What are you staring at?" Tifa asked.

"You have a macaroni on your boob."

Tifa looked down and sure enouch a gigantic spongebob macaroni noodle was right in the middle of her boob. She picked it off and through it at Cloud, "Perv staring at my boobs!"

Cloud sighed but said nothing. Tifa called down Denzel and Marlene.

They all ate their Tifa boob noodles with mashed potatoes and peas. "Cloud?" Denzel asked. "Hmp?" Cloud mumbled as he ate. "Will you help me with my homework tonight?" "No I gotta go out and work tonight." He replied eating. "Oh really Cloud?" Tifa thought, "Well we'll see about that."

At 6:30p.m. Cloud left. at 6:31 Tifa left. She told Denzel and Marlene she was going to the store.

She made sure to stay at least 1 block behind Cloud. She followed him into a building not even bothering to see what it was.

Loud music instantly fell upon her ears. Hundreds of guys, in tight leather, were dancing. She began to wander around until she found a couch where two guys were making out furisously. It took her a minute to realize who they were, Kadaj and Yazoo.

"Oh brother!" Yazoo said between kisses.

"Oh I hope Mother doesn't find out!" Kadaj gasped.

"Then we'd get spankings!!!!" Yazoo said running his hands down Kadaj's back.

"OH MI GOSH!!!" Tifa yelled over the music. "GET A ROOM!"

Kadaj stood up, "Not with you honey! You look like you got beat by the ugly stick, tree, and run over by the ugly car!"

"You're sooooooo naughty brother!" Yazoo says standing up draping his hands over Kadaj. They begin kissing so violently they fall back onto the couch (not that they noticed).

Tifa rolling her eyes walks away. After a few minutes she spots Cloud dancing in the corner. "Why is Cloud dancing? Why doesn't he take me dancing? Wait a minute...Cloud can dance?!" Tifa thinks. She slowly walks over begin cautious. She sees Sephiroith beside Cloud.

"I've got to save him!" Tifa thinks. She begins to run and tackles Cloud screaming, "GET DOWN!" Cloud, looking puzzled (first expression ever!), looks up to see Tifa over him with Sephiroith in the background.

Sephiroith grabs Tifa's hair, "Honey get offa my ass candy!" He thrusts her over in the couch where Kadaj and Yazoo are. They scream rape and run off.

"But Cloud..." Tifa says.

"Come on Tifa! I don't like you. I've never liked you. No one does! Besides it's not like we're married! Besides I'm..." Cloud's voice fades out.

The song Gay Bar (lyrics on my profile for those of you who don't know) starts playing.

"What?" Tifa says in tears.

"Gay." Cloud whispers.

Sephiroith buts, "Come on Cloud our room is ready! And i've (saying at the same time as the song) got something to put in you!" He grabs Cloud's hand and leads him away. Tifa just sits there.

END or is it?

Me (again): Okay this chapter was waaaaay better than chapter 1! I love Yaoi pairings!! If you don't, then don't tell me you hate it! Please Review!!!!!


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